If you’ve never looked into personality typing before, you may wonder what the point is. A lot of people think of it along the same lines as those little silly quizzes you take on someone’s Face Book page: “What color are you?”, “What’s your theme song?” That’s not the kind of personality tests we’re talking about. This site was designed to help people discover more about themselves: basically, what makes you tick? Why do we do the things we do? What are our basic fears, desires, and hang-ups? And more importantly, how can knowing more about our personality help us to improve our lives?

The funny thing about all of us is that we tend to think that everyone thinks and feels the same way that we do. Whenever I’m reading someone their type description for the first time, their response is often the same: “Well of course it says I think that way. Everyone thinks that way!” Well, actually no. Not unless they are the same type as you.

 The funny thing about all of us is that we tend to think that everyone thinks and feels the same way that we do.

 There are many typing systems out there, but my favorite in the Enneagram. I feel it’s the most comprehensive and intuitive, and it’s spot-on. Once you figure out your type, you’ll be amazed at how accurate it is. The Enneagram can even tell you things about yourself that you may have known in a sense, but had never articulated before. And besides understanding ourselves better, it can help us understand others. Being able to see where people are coming from is an invaluable life skill.

I know you are but what am I?

Have you taken several Enneagram tests and still can’t decide what Type you are? The Enneagram is a fascinating tool for learning more about yourself, but it won’t amount to a hill of beans if you can’t figure out what your Type is. For a few of us, (myself included) personality testing can have ambiguous results. We may take many tests and get many different results back. Or maybe the result you get really doesn’t sound like you at all. Well, there are a few things you can try to solve this mystery.

You may have to try more than one, but chances are pretty good that your Type will be one of the top three results.

First of all, make sure you try several tests. For a link to some click here. You may have to try more than one, but chances are pretty good that your Type will be one of the top three results. Once you get it narrowed down to two or three, then studying the descriptions should help you make a final decision. If you’re still not sure, ask someone who knows you very well to read the descriptions and see what they think sounds most like you.

If you have had a big life change lately, or gone through something traumatic, you may find that your test results are skewed. For example, a friend of mine is an outgoing, happy, people-pleaser Two, but when she first took the Enneagram tests she had recently just been through a divorce, and was dealing with some (well-deserved) anger issues toward her ex. Her test results came back as an Eight every time. She thought she must have been an Eight for a while, before further study of the type descriptions made her realize that she was really not the assertive, aggressive, decisive Eight.

Each Enneagram type has a connection to two other numbers. These lines in the Enneagram shape are a further way to learn and explore more about your basic type. Different experts call them different things. In Don Riso’s  teachings he calls them the “Directions of Integration” and the “Directions of Disintegration”.  Here an excerpt of their description:

Huh? If you’re like me, you may have to read that several times to figure out what they are talking about.  I think sometimes the biggest obstacle for the average person in learning and applying the Enneagram is that the experts write in such a clinical way, it’s hard to decipher what they are really saying. Here is a simple explanation of what these lines mean for you and me.

Each number connects to two other numbers.  These connections help us see whether we are progressing, or going in a good direction, or whether we are heading in the wrong direction and actually regressing. For the purposes of our discussion, we will call the “good” direction the Direction of Growth, and the “bad” one the Direction of Stress.  When you travel along one of these directions to another number, you will adopt certain qualities of that Type- even if they are quite different from your own core Type. Think of it as a way for the Enneagram to predict our future behavior. It tells us what we will be like if we continue in a self-defeating pattern, and it tells us what healthy qualities we are capable of showing when we are doing well.

You don’t have to study personality types to realize that people are very different. The more we mature and interact with a variety of people, the more we learn that people see the world very differently than we do.  Eventually we learn to seek out those people that we click with, the ones with similar or harmonious viewpoints.  Friends may come and go over the years, most of the time they go simply because we lose touch, or grow apart, and it’s a gradual, natural thing. But have you ever had a relationship end badly? We tend to think of romantic relationships ending in ugly break-ups, but sometimes friendships can end just as abruptly, and we can end up feeling disillusioned and shocked by the whole thing. We thought we knew this person. We thought they knew us.

We thought we knew this person. We thought they knew us.

Why does this happen? Well, there are many reasons, the most obvious being that we didn’t “click” with them as much as we thought- and those differing points of view eventually came to a head. But that isn’t usually the case with the worst break ups. These have a more complicated reason for ending. We can sum it up with this: people change. No, they don’t radically change their world views, becoming a completely different person.  A happy-go-lucky, likable Nine isn’t going to suddenly become an opinioned, confrontational Eight.  So what changes? Their health. Specifically their emotional health. 

What makes the difference is how emotionally, or psychologically healthy we are.

No matter what our personality type, we have equal potential for greatness, or to cause harm. What makes the difference is how emotionally, or psychologically healthy we are.  The Enneagram Institute refers to this as the “Levels of Development”.  We can think of the nine Enneagram types as a “horizontal” set of categories, each one distinct. But if no type is better than another, than how do you explain that some people are clearly high-functioning, stable, and balanced, while others are emotionally stuck, troubled, and cannot handle stress effectively?

No matter what our Enneagram type, we all want to stay mentally, emotionally and psychologically healthy. When in the healthy range of the levels of health, we are at our best. (For more on levels of health click here) When we move from healthy to average levels there are warnings signs unique to each type. These wake up calls can be our sign to know we are falling into more unhealthy patterns. Of course they only work if we know what to look for.

Wake up call for Type One:  A sense of intense personal obligation

Ones can grow tremendously by simply recognizing their particular wake up call, a heavy and constant sense of personal obligation. They begin to think that it’s up to them to fix everything. (“If I do not do this, no one else will!”) They are convinced that even if other people were willing to tackle problems, they would not do as good a job as the Ones themselves would. They become increasingly fixated on correcting, organizing and controlling their environment.  Their focus is always on what is wrong with things, and they become tense and serious.

Wake up call for Type Two: People pleasing

Twos tend to be very generous, but they also fall prey to insecurities about others’ affections for them.  They begin to fear that all the good they are doing is not enough.

No matter what our personality type, we have equal potential for greatness, or to cause harm. What makes the difference is how emotionally, or psychologically healthy we are.  The Enneagram Institute refers to this as the “Levels of Development”.  We can think of the nine Enneagram types as a “horizontal” set of categories, each one distinct. But if no type is better than another, than how do you explain that some people are clearly high-functioning, stable, and balanced, while others are emotionally stuck, troubled, and cannot handle stress effectively? Clearly if this system is going to accurately mirror human nature, and reflect the ever-changing states within each type, there also needs to be a way to account for “vertical” movement and development within each type.  Picture a round cake with the Enneagram numbers around the outer edge in a circle- each type is a “slice” of the cake.  But the cake is tall, with three layers. These layers represent the levels of health: Healthy, Average, and Unhealthy. Each “slice” of the cake would contain all three layers, just as each type contains all three levels.

It would be almost impossible to make assumptions about the types without taking the level of health into consideration, because as each type deteriorates down the levels, many of their characteristics become their opposite.

One of the most important skills you will need as you work to improve yourself is the ability to “observe and let go” of the habits our personality has trapped us in. What that means is we must learn to watch ourselves as an impartial observer, seeing what arises in us from moment to moment. Whatever we find, whether pleasant or not, we simply observe it. We do not try to change it, and we do not criticize ourselves for what we see. This is much easier said than done. Our natural tendency is to either make excuses for our behavior; “I only lost my temper because I was tired”, or judge ourselves harshly; “I always screw that up- I never say the right thing”. But to see ourselves clearly requires learning to remove those hard wired responses.

Our whole culture reminds us constantly how we can be more successful, desirable, and secure if we were only to change in some way or another.

We are programmed from a young age to believe that we need to be better, to try harder, and to reject parts of ourselves that others do not approve of. Our whole culture reminds us constantly how we can be more successful, desirable, and secure if we were only to change in some way or another. In short, we’ve learned that we need to be different from how we actually are. The idea that we simply need to discover how we actually are, is contrary to almost everything we’ve been taught.

I found a great post breaking down each of the Enneagram types and what type of music they like.  I just wanted to share the link  so everyone could check it out. It’s a really interesting idea. It makes sense that same types would be drawn to certain types of music, or maybe genres of music.  The types that are known for being drawn to the arts in general may have very definitive taste in music.

We all know that we don’t create a child’s personality type. If that were the case, siblings would all be more or less the same personality type. In fact, the opposite tends to be true. Each of our children are completely unique and different from the others. However, not every child will be an easy fit for every parent. You may have two parents who are energetic, outgoing and sociable, and they may have a quiet, reserved, serious-minded child. In situations like that, there will need to be some adaptability from both the parents and the child to be able to understand the others point of view.

Regardless of what personalities our children have, the Enneagram can help us grow to be better parents. We all have certain expectations of our children- some we may be aware of, and some may be unconscious. Becoming aware of what we want from our children can stop us from manipulating them into having to measure up to our expectations, and will go a long way toward improving the parent/child relationship.
(The following chart is adapted from Discovering Your Personality Type)

What we expect from our children for each Enneagram type:

Type One- Expect self-control, reasonableness, responsibility, and the ability to delay rewards- want their child to be a “little Adult”

Type Two- Expect generosity, thoughtfulness, and attention to others- want their child to be a “little Helper”

Type Three- Expect being outstanding at tasks, physical perfection, reflecting well on the family, and popularity- want their child to be a “little Superstar”

Type Four- Expect sensitivity, artistic creativity, emotional depth, and understanding- want their child to be a “little Therapist”

In last week’s post, “Does America have it’s own personality type?” we discussed the dominant Enneagram Types in the United States. But what about the rest of the world? The book, “Discovering Your Personality Type”, goes on to discuss the personality styles in various other countries. As before, three dominant types seem to make up each nations’ character. These types not only effect the personality of the country as a whole, they also change from one era to the next.

Let’s examine the cultures of these countries. The following descriptions came from the Global Guide to Culture, Customs and Etiquette.

England: Type One, Type Five, Type Six

As a nation, the Brits tend not to use superlatives and may not appear terribly animated when they speak. This does not mean that they do not have strong emotions; merely that they do not choose to put them on public display. The British are very reserved and private people. Privacy is extremely important. The British will not necessarily give you a tour of their home and, in fact, may keep most doors closed. They expect others to respect their privacy. There is a proper way to act in most situations and the British are sticklers for adherence to protocol. The British are a bit more contained in their body language and hand gestures while speaking. They are generally more distant and reserved than North and South Americans and Southern Europeans, and may not initially appear to be as open or friendly. Friendships take longer to build; however, once established they tend to be deep and may last over time and distance.

France: Type Three, Type Six, Type Seven

The family is the social adhesive of the country and each member has certain duties and responsibilities…

Explanation of Enneagram Wings

Because the Nine types are arranged around a circle, no matter what your basic type, you will have a type on each side of it. One of these two types will be your Wing. The Wing blends with the basic type and highlights certain tendencies in it. For example, if your basic type is Nine, you will have either an Eight-Wing or a One-Wing. No one is a pure type, and in some cases, there are also Nines with both Wings. Most people, however, have one dominant Wing.

The Wings help us to individualize the Nine types of the Enneagram. This produces a unique type that is recognizable in everyday life. For instance, when we look at the Sevens in the real world, we see that there are Sevens with an Eight-Wing and Sevens with a Six-Wing. Each of these two different Wing subtypes has a very different flavor. With all the type and Wing combinations you get 18 subtypes. They are each described in more detail in the type descriptions.

There are no real divisions between the varieties of personality types, just as there are none between the colors of the rainbow. Individual differences are as unique as different shades, hues, and intensities of color. The Nine points on the Enneagram are simply “family names” that we use to speak meaningfully about differences in personality. Ways of describing main features without getting too lost in the details. To learn more about your individual Wings, refer to your type description.

So what do you think? Do you think you’re individual type is represented well?

Our post today is from our Type two guest blogger:

A deal breaker by definition is any issue or factor that is significant enough to terminate an agreement.  And what is a relationship, but an agreement between people to share a part of themselves with each other?

Deal breakers are completely foreign to a Two.  Healthy partnerships should be a balanced 50/50, both working towards a common goal equally.  Not for a Two.  If a kindness is shown us, then we are so overcome with guilt at not deserving it, that we must reciprocate over and above to show our appreciation.  It’s reflexive.  All our worth is tied into making relationships work.  We don’t dare slack off even for a moment because if it fails, we fail.  If your husband caught a cold, somehow you gave them the germ.  If your best friend had a bad day at work, it was because you called and broke their concentration.  The weather is bad on vacation, YOU should have planned better.  We are unlovable.  It’s our fault…yadda-yadda-yadda.  Even if rationally you know none of these issues are within our control or even our responsibility, it crosses your mind.  For every moment it does you are defeated. “You did everything right!  How could this be happening?  THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!”

 If a kindness is shown us, then we are so overcome with guilt at not deserving it, that we must reciprocate over and above to show our appreciation.

As a Two I am constantly evaluating the condition of my relationships.  Am I being too clingy?  Am I running my mouth too much?  Am I spending equal time between my friends?  Me, me, me…I, I, I…it gets exhausting.  The thing is that most of the time (like 99.9% of the time) this is pressure I put on myself.  As Twos we live in mortal fear of being abandoned.  Because of this tendency we ignore trouble signs and shirk them off as being something we are doing wrong just to maintain a connection…. 

The Enneagram is a phenomenal tool for self awareness- but what about using it for children? There are several points of view on the subject, depending on who you ask.  Typing very young children is difficult since they are constantly changing. Even a teen is still developing their full personality. The Enneagram system is based on internal motivations, feelings, and fears. It’s so deeply personal, it’s hard for anyone to accurately type someone else. Who knows what’s going on in your brain better than you? The fact that it’s pinpointing things that are not readily visible to everyone is what makes it so great. But it’s also what makes it tricky to use on kids. 

I tested this out on my insightful, deep thinking 10 year old. He actually surprised me with his ability to understand the types, and was able to type himself. (He says he’s a Six) Now, the question is, will he stay a Six? That remains to be seen. But talking about the questions and types led to some really great discussions, and I would recommend anyone who has a child that’s interested in typing themselves to try it. Whether or not it proves to be their “true” type down the road, you may gain a greater understanding of aspects of their personality.

Does a country have a personality type? According to Don Riso and Russ Hudson, authors of “Discovering Your Personality Type”, yes, they do. They have observed that in any given country, three dominant types seem to make up that nations’ character. These types not only effect the personality of the country as a whole, they also change from one era to the next.  So what about the United States? There’s no doubt that America has a definitive “style”. Every culture has certain characteristics that are especially revered and admired, and so those traits are cultivated in the children raised in that environment. Which means that, if your individual personality strengths match up with those that are prized in the country you live in, you would seem to have a real advantage. So what are the dominant Enneagram types in America at this time?

Type Three “The Achiever”- You can clearly see the Three’s drive for success, fame, and status. The concern over image and career success are major themes for a Three, and major themes in the current American character. The belief that, if you work hard enough, anything is possible- that’s the American dream.

Type Six “The Loyalist”- The Six brings the respect for law, authority, and institutions that make up our democratic way of government. They are traditionalist, with a strong sense of family values and skeptics who thrive on hidden camera reveals and reality shows.  News media has made their careers off of feeding into the Sixes apprehension about the future.  They are the target audience of the American brand of “worst-case-scenario” scare tactics that are used to report the news.

Type Seven “The Enthusiast”- The Seven’s love of anything new makes them ideal for feeding the insatiable consumerism in this country- bigger is always better, less isn’t more- more is more. Their high energy and love of change fit well with the frantic pace of life in our country, and their extroverted, friendly natures are looked up to as being ideal.

Of course, every personality type has a downside to it- and the American personality is no exception. We all have heard the negative way Americans are viewed by many people of other countries. This makes sense if you think about the fact that these other countries no doubt have different dominant personalities, and these may conflict.

Let’s talk about stress. Everyone feels it, in varying degrees and amounts, depending on what’s going on in our lives at the time. But we’re going to take a look at a different kind of stress. Not the kind that comes from having too much going on in our lives, but the kind that we can bring on ourselves. Each type feels stress a little differently. At times we can be our own worst enemies by the way we choose to view ourselves and the world around us. Let’s look at the situations and issues that causes each Enneagram type stress.

What causes us stress:

Type One- The Reformer:   Not being able to quiet their internal critic, which leads to anxiety and worry. There is too much error to correct and too much that must be done right- which means it must be done by them personally. Feeling resentment towards others for not carrying their own load, and the tension this gives to their relationships with others. Other people not taking responsibility for their own mistakes, or worse, blaming the Ones for pointing those mistakes out.

Type Two- The Helper:  Feeling needed by too many people and for too many projects. Confusion of what their own needs are. Emotional upheavals resulting from investing too much in relationships- especially challenging ones. Feeling needy of others because their own needs haven’t been met. Feeling unappreciated makes them feel dispensable and worried about future rejection.

Type Three- The Achiever:  The intense pressure they put on themselves to maintain their image. Feeling good about themselves in based entirely on how much they get done, so any kind of set back to their plans leads to a drop in their self-esteem. Not knowing their real feelings and values because they’ve repressed or adapted them to suit others. Trying to do too much in too short a time. Worry about failure.

Type Four- The Individualist:  People and experiences not living up to their expectations or romantic ideals.  Envying what others have that they do not have, wanting more than is available. Overwhelming feelings are difficult to deal with, especially in an emotional crisis. Feeling misunderstood by others, or not seen as unique.

Type Five- The Investigator:  Failing to maintain enough privacy or boundaries.  Feeling tired and pushed to limits when they don’t have enough private time to restore their energy.  Desires, wants and needs that may lead to dependency on others. Not taking action until they’ve learned everything there is to know. Too many emotions that get in the way of other things.

Type Six- The Loyalist: The pressure they put on themselves in order to deal with insecurity and uncertainty. Trying to maintain the trust and goodwill of others while at the same time, feeling mistrustful and skeptical of them. Feeling let down by authority figures, not being able to count on them for support. Defensive lashing out at others that leads to people backing away and avoiding them.

Type Seven- The Enthusiast: Difficulty coping with overload from trying every opportunity available to them. Making the same mistake over and over because avoiding pain means they don’t learn the lessons that pain can teach. Making commitments in the moment, then feeling trapped by them later. Constraints and limits that prevent them from getting what they want.

Type Eight- The Challenger:  Seeing injustice and being unable to correct it. Having to contain their confrontational style. Dealing with the fallout when they can’t contain it. Denying fatigue or pain from going at full speed all the time. Feeling controlled by others.

Type Nine- The Peacemaker: Being forced to take a definite position or stand. Having to say no to someone and then having that person get angry. Being forced to make decisions or set priorities on a time limit. Dealing with a commitment they made that they didn’t really want to make. Others being upset because they have procrastinated carrying out those commitments. Being treated as unimportant or taken for granted.

Life brings stress that we have no control over. But internal stress is something we can learn to minimize. It’s worth trying to work on, since extensive amounts of stress will certainly take a toll on our lives. Eventually it will affect our emotional and mental health. For more about levels or health, check out “If you don’t have your health“, and “It’s not you, it’s me. No wait, it really is you.”

Introvert vs. Extrovert: it’s a term we’re all familiar with. You may have taken the Myers-Briggs personality tests which determines whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, but Enneagram doesn’t categorize types by how outgoing they are. There is no “Extroverted type”.  But, isn’t it better to be extroverted? Isn’t being shy something we’re all supposed to, you know, “work on”? Like overcoming a bad habit?

I read an interesting this book this week- it’s called How to Work a Room. It’s a very well known book about how to socialize and network with people.  Here’s something I learned that really surprised me - do you know the percentage of people who consider themselves shy? A whopping 93%! So if you’re shy, then congratulations! You’re normal.  That blew my mind- I would have assumed the amount to be in the majority- maybe 60, 70% or so. But 93%? 

So if you’re shy, then congratulations! You’re normal. 

So what does this mean? This means that we are all working under some incorrect assumptions. We all assume that when we see people who socialize well, who willingly extend themselves to meet new people, who attend many social functions, have a large network of friends- we assume that these people are “outgoing”. That doing all of those things are easy and natural for them. That they have something that we are missing. Yet, many of these same people would have to be among the 93% of people that said they’re shy. Why would they say that, we would ask? They’re friendly, chatty, eloquent, born with the gift of gab. But the fact is, they say they’re shy because it’s not as easy for them as it might appear. They get nervous. They feel insecure and awkward at times. Think about someone you feel is naturally outgoing. Do you think they never get nervous about going into a new social situation? Think again.

We’ve all met people that are just NOT into finding out more about their personality-whether it be through the Enneagram or any other typing system. It’s always been something that’s hard for me to understand- I mean, who doesn’t want to know more about themselves? I just don’t get it. But, it does makes sense to me that some types might be less prone to be interested in personality typing, and this would be congruent with their type. 

For example- every Eight I’ve ever met and gotten to know (ok, it’s only about five of them- but still…) has been completely disinterested in anything connected to personality typing. Nines seem mildly interested- but they could also just be humoring me. Sixes (and I do know quite a few of these) also seem to have minimal interest- they do find it somewhat interesting, but don’t delve into the deeper issues with it. Sevens are intrigued by the Enneagram, but seem to move off topic fairly quickly.

Ones and Twos as a general rule seem equally fascinated with the topic- Ones as a means to further their own self-knowledge, and Twos as a way to better understand (and please) the ones closest to them. My fellow Threes (the narcissistic things we are) enjoy anything that focuses more on us, (and I suppose we do also like learning about other people too).

Fours and Fives may be the primary driving force behind, not only the original study and insight of the principles of the various typing systems, but also the people who are most drawn to learn more about themselves and others. I get more visits on the pages about Fours and Fives than any other type on this website.

So what’s everyone else’s thoughts and observations?

Last time we talked about Comparing Ones with other types, now we’ll focus on Misidentifications for Enneagram Twos. This information will be added to the full type descriptions. If you’re still feeling stuck, check out Figuring out your Enneagram Type. Also, feel free to contact me directly, and I’ll be glad to help if I can.

Twos and Ones:

Why they might be confused: They may get confused because as wings of each other, they possess some similar traits. Gender can influence this mistyping as well. Women who are 1w2s tend to see themselves as 2w1s, and men who are 2w1s may see themselves as 1w2s.

What is alike: Both have high standards of giving, focus on improvement or well-being of others, and feel that they know what is best for other people. Both repress their own needs and desires.

What is different: Ones want to help others improve using their own inner standards of right and wrong. Twos focus on other people’s needs to help make them happy, and also to more liked by others. Twos are more relationship oriented than Ones, sometimes finding themselves over-connected to too many people. Ones see themselves as more independent, while Twos seek close connection to others. Ones are more restrained in their compliments but will express when they are irritated or dissatisfied. Twos find flattery and compliments easy to give, but expressing angry or negative feelings is very hard for them.

Twos and Threes

Why they might be confused: Here again, confusion about wings is likely to be the problem. A Two with a One-wing is unlikely to be mistyped as a Three, and a Three with a Four-wing is unlikely to be mistaken for a Two. With the 2w3 and the 3w2, however, personal charm and the desire to be liked and to please others can make these types more difficult to distinguish.

What is alike: Both have active, “doing” energy, and both are focused on accomplishing and helping. They are both approval seeking and have the ability to alter themselves to fit whatever image is required. Both are known for their personal charm and have a strong desire to be liked and admired by others.

What is different: Twos focus on relationships and others’ feelings, in contrast to Threes, who push aside their feelings and focus on tasks and goals. Twos attempt to get others to like them by doing good things for them–by focusing on the other person. (”How are you feeling this afternoon? You look sad.”) Twos give the other person lots of appreciative attention in the hopes of being liked and appreciated. Twos are primarily motivated by the desire to please the other as a way of creating closeness- to enhance their relationships. Threes get others to like them by developing the excellence of their own “package.” Threes seldom lavish attention on the other; rather, they are trying to be so outstanding and irresistible that the other will want to focus attention on them. And while Threes enjoy the attention, and want relationships, they actually fear intimacy, becoming more uneasy as the relationship becomes closer. Twos can be ambitious, but they usually feel uncomfortable going after their goals directly, feeling that to do so would be too selfish. However, Threes are extremely goal-driven, and feel they are not living up to their potential if they are not the best at what they do. Twos are openly sentimental and express their feelings easily. Threes tend to be more composed, and have difficulty expressing them freely. Twos have a hard time hiding when they are upset or angry, but Threes can bottle up their feelings, easily hiding them from others, and sometimes even hiding them from themselves.

Twos and Fours:

Why they might be confused: Twos and Fours can be confused primarily because they are both Feeling types, and because they both put great emphasis on the ups and downs of their personal relationships. Even with these similarities, however, these two types are seldom mistaken for each other. When they are, it is usually because they are defining the types too narrowly. For instance, some Twos might mistype themselves as Fours if they have been through a depression or have recently been through the end of an important relationship. They may learn that Fours are a depressive type and think that since they have been depressed that they are probably Fours. Twos may also hear that Fours are romantic, and seeing themselves as romantic mistype themselves. Female Fours who have been raised in traditional or strongly religious environments may identify themselves as Twos, but this is a danger for woman of all types.

What is alike: Both Twos and Fours are both attuned to feelings. Both are sensitive, relationship-oriented, helpful to others, and emotionally intense. Both can be considered romantics, and are concerned with their self-image.

What is different: Twos direct their energy outward, towards others. Fours direct their energy inward, towards analyzing their own feelings. Twos tend to move toward others and want to engage them, but Fours tend to withdraw from others, while hoping that others will seek them out. Twos look for people to rescue, Fours look for someone to rescue them. Twos are very aware of others’ feelings, but tend to be unaware of their own motivations and needs. Fours are highly attuned to their own emotional states, but can fail to recognize the impact they can have on others.

What is alike: Both are sensitive to the claims that other people make on their time and energy, and can easily feel rejected. Both are quite giving to those they are close to, and both neglect caring for their own feelings.

What is different: These types are almost opposites. Twos are emotionally expressive and highly people-oriented. Fives are emotionally detached and can be the true loners of the Enneagram. Twos cope with feelings of rejection by winning people over and Fives cope with rejection by detaching from the hurt and isolating themselves further. Twos go by their feelings and can get flustered or irritated by overly intellectual approaches or complex ideas and procedures. Fives get flustered or irritated by overly emotional, sentimental people, and feel that they are in their element with intellectual concepts and complexity. Twos tend to move toward others: Fives tend to withdraw from others.

Twos and Sixes:

Why they might be confused: This is a fairly common mistype because these two types share a number of key traits, especially on a surface level. Many of the actions are similar, but the reasons behind the behavior are very different. The more phobic and accommodating Six is more likely to mistype as a Two than the counter-phobic, anti-authority Six.

What is alike: Twos and Sixes are warm and engaging and want to be liked. Both can be anxious and sensitive to others, deferring to what other people want or need. Both can be disarming and seductive when trying to win someone over.

What is different: Twos move towards people, actively focusing on the others’ needs and becoming indispensible to them. Sixes are skeptical of people’s motives, and warily hold parts of themselves back, doubt or question themselves and others, and don’t want to be overly needed by others. Sixes warily invite selected others into their lives, whereas Twos throw out the net of their feelings with more abandon and see whom they can sweep into the fold. Sixes want to create partnerships with others that will support them in their bid to be more independent, but start to feel anxious if the relationship becomes too merged or “mushy.” Twos want to be close with others, and the more intimacy and merging they have with their loved ones, the better. Twos “wear their hearts on their sleeves” and are openly warm and demonstrative about how they feel toward others. Sixes, by contrast, are often ambivalent about their feelings, frequently sending ambiguous, mixed signals to other people. Sixes are assailed by anxiety, indecision, and doubts–and they look to trusted others (especially some kind of authority-figure) to reassure them. Twos are also sometimes anxious, of course, as all human beings are; however, they are not as indecisive or assailed with doubts, and Twos consult an authority figure for answers. On the contrary, as they grow in self-importance, average Twos usually make themselves into authority figures.

Twos and Sevens:

Why they might be confused: They could be considered look-alike types in the way they appear to others, especially on a surface level. These types are mistaken because both can be emotional and melodramatic, although the emotions of Sevens are more apt to change quickly than the feelings of Twos. It is probable that more Sevens misidentify themselves as Twos than vice versa.

What is alike: Twos and Sevens are both upbeat, energetic, friendly, and eager to be liked. They both tend to be more extroverted and focus their energy outward to others.

What is different: Both types are gregarious and enjoy being with people, but their motives are different. Twos are genuinely friendly and warm, and interested in others–they would like to be the heart and soul of a family or community, the best friend or confidant everyone comes to for attention, advice, and approval. By contrast, Sevens do not get as involved in other people’s lives. Sevens do not see themselves as the center of a community or family, but as a free-floating island whose own enjoyment is enhanced by being with others. Sevens do not like to eat or drink alone, or go to the theater alone, or go on vacation alone, but this does not always mean that they are great lovers of people. They have just learned that their activities are more enjoyable when others are around to contribute to the excitement and stimulation they seek. While average Twos want others to need them, average Sevens do not want to be needed by anyone: just the reverse, they have little patience for anyone who is too dependent on them since dependents become a drain on their resources and limit their freedom. Average Twos can be possessive of their friends because they feel they have invested a lot of time and emotional energy in them and do not want to see them drift away. Average Sevens tend to be less attached to people. (”Fine. If you don’t want to be with me, there are always more fish in the sea.”) Sevens can be devoted to loved ones like anyone else, but they refuse to cling. Once they decide that a relationship is not working, they can end them fairly quickly. They may feel sad for a time, but seldom have regrets about their decisions. Twos can leave relationships behind as well, but have a lot more difficulty letting go. Sevens are action-oriented and expressive, but they are primarily thinking types. They are quick-witted and like to fill their minds with interesting possibilities and concepts. Although Twos can certainly be bright and knowledgeable, they really are feeling types and the reward for them is in the sharing of feelings and intimacies.

Twos and Eights

Why they might be confused: It is not difficult to see how Twos and Eights can be confused, although there is a world of difference between them. Some average Twos realize that they are forceful and dominating, two of the significant traits of Eights. A particularly aggressive Two may find himself or herself in a work-related role that requires leadership and discipline. For these and other reasons, it is possible for some Twos to misidentify themselves as Eights. This is especially true for male Twos, who, for cultural reasons, may prefer to emphasize these traits. Twos and Eights are similar in the deep feelings and passion they bring to their relationships, although the expression of their feelings and the effects they have on others are quite different. Of course, as Twos become more overwhelmed by stress, they increasingly resemble Eights since Eight is the Two’s Direction of Stress.

What is alike: Both show active energy, assertiveness, generosity, and protectiveness of others. Both are attracted to power, and can be intrusive toward others. Both types have strong wills and egos and a tendency to dominate others. Twos and Eight both struggle with feelings and fears of rejection, which probably predispose both types to have stormy relationships.

What is different: Eights are openly aggressive, forceful, and are very direct in their communication. When Eights are not happy about something, they have no difficulty letting the other person know that they are angry or disappointed. Twos can also be aggressive and forceful, but it’s done more covertly, under an increasingly thin veneer of love. Twos have great difficulty communicating their anger openly, even though they may be very upset with someone. Thus, they use indirect approaches, trying to hint at it, and if that doesn’t work, to manipulate others into meeting their needs. As they become less healthy, Eights intimidate people openly and when they are frustrated, they push harder to get what they want. When Twos are frustrated, they try to make others feel guilty, especially by dramatizing the suffering they feel.

What is alike: Both are people-pleasers and try hard to meet the needs of others. In the process, both can lose awareness of their own needs and priorities. Twos and Nines like to keep things positive and upbeat whenever possible, and believe in serving and giving of themselves.

What is different: Nines are unselfconscious, seldom focusing on themselves. They are self-effacing and accommodating, quite content to support others emotionally without looking for a great deal of attention or appreciation in return. In contrast,Twos have a very sharp sense of their own identities. Although highly empathetic, they are not particularly self-effacing or accommodating. Rather than being unselfconscious, they are highly aware of their own feelings and don’t hesitate to talk about them. Healthy Nines offer safe space to others. They are easy-going and accepting, so that others feel safe with them. There is almost no tendency in Nines to manipulate others or to make them feel guilty for not responding as they would like. By contrast, healthy Twos are willing to get down to the nitty-gritty and help out in difficult situations. They have an energy and staying power that average Nines tend to lack. Moreover, the help that healthy Twos give has a direct, personal focus: it is a response to you and your needs. In general, Twos will walk that extra mile with others, whereas, while Nines sincerely wish others well, they generally offer more comfort and reassurance than practical help.

I work with many people who are trying to figure out what their Enneagram type is. Many times they have it narrowed down to two different choices, and just can’t decide which suits them best. In this case, it’s helpful to compare the two types, and focus on what is different in each of those types. I’ve been wanting to write up a complete list for a while now, and since I keep answering the same question, I’ll go ahead and focus on this topic. Each post will tackle a different type, until all the comparisons are done. This information will be added to the full type descriptions. If you’re still feeling stuck, check out Figuring out your Enneagram Type. Also, feel free to contact me directly, and I’ll be glad to help if I can. First up - Ones.

Ones and Twos

Why they might be confused: They may get confused because as wings of each other, they possess some similar traits. Gender can influence this mistyping as well. Women who are 1w2s tend to see themselves as 2w1s, and men who are 2w1s may see themselves as 1w2s.

What is alike: Both have high standards of giving, focus on improvement or well-being of others, and feel that they know what is best for other people. Both repress their own needs and desires.

What is different: Ones want to help others improve using their own inner standards of right and wrong. Twos focus on other people’s needs to help make them happy, and also to more liked by others. Twos are more relationship oriented than Ones, sometimes finding themselves over-connected to too many people. Ones see themselves as more independent, while Twos seek close connection to others. Ones are more restrained in their compliments but will express when they are irritated or dissatisfied. Twos find flattery and compliments easy to give, but expressing angry or negative feelings is very hard for them.

Ones and Threes:

Why they might be confused: Average Ones and average Threes are sometimes mistaken because both types are efficient and highly organized. If an isolated behavior is the only thing being considered (chairing a business meeting or planning a vacation, for instance), their organizational abilities are similar.

What is alike: Both Ones and Threes are efficient and organized. Achievers that are goal-oriented, and success-oriented, and can sometimes be prone to workaholic tendencies. Both put their feelings on the back burner to get things done, and share a desire to improve themselves and to meet high standards.

What is different: Their motivations for achieving and meeting their standards are different. Ones are motivated by their “internal critic” to be “good” and do what that inner critic judges to be right. Threes are motivated to succeed, and  can change their image and approach on a whim. They want to get the job done, so they can meet their goal and move on the next thing, while Ones want to get the job done right, so that their own perfectionist standards are met. Ones tend to be attached to particular methods or procedures (”This is the best way to do this.”) Threes are more adaptable, and will change tactics quickly if they feel they are not getting the desired result.

Ones and Fours:

Why they might be confused:  Since Ones and Fours are so different, it might seem strange that they can be confused. The confusion seems to arise when a One (who may be going to Four under stress) begins to think that he or she is a Four. Invariably, Ones who misidentify themselves as Fours focus almost exclusively on the traits of the unhealthy Four and not on the type as a whole. Because they feel melancholy, depressed, and alienated from others, they may convince themselves that they must be Fours.

What is alike: Both are idealistic, intense and sensitive. Both Ones and Fours value authenticity and self-improvement. Both tend to be perfectionists and dissatisfied with things as they are. Both are often frustrated with themselves and their environment, and can be perceived by others as fussy, or picky. Both can be very particular about their environment and the “rules” that they want others to observe in their personal space.

What is different: Ones idealism is about correct behavior- they want to “get it right”, while a Fours idealism revolves around their search for greater personal fulfillment. Ones are self-restrained, and suppress their personal desires, while Fours dwell on their feelings, and become absorbed with their strong longings and desires. Ones usually attend to their responsibilities first, and deal with their feelings later. Their lack of focus on their feelings is actually one of the main causes of their not infrequent depressions. (It is also worth mentioning that Ones are one of the types more vulnerable to depression.) Fours, on the other hand, want to sort out their feelings first, and deal with their duties after they have worked through their emotions. As a result, they may have difficulty mobilizing themselves to meet responsibilities. Most Ones would not give themselves permission to “indulge” their feelings in this way for very long. For lower average Fours, non-productively dwelling on their feelings can be the rule rather than the exception.

Ones and Fives:

Why they might be confused: They are not often confused, but on a surface level, both have strong viewpoints and are intellectual.

What is alike: Both are intellectual types, are focused on competency, and become withdrawn and internalized when trying to figure something out.

What is different: Ones and Fives are opposites in the way they judge and evaluate reality. Ones judge situations from idealistic standards based on what they think should be the case. Fives are constantly investigating and questioning assumptions, not to mention standards and principles. Ones are suppress feelings in order to improve themselves and others, Fives detach from feelings to conserve energy and to avoid being intruded on by others. In general, Fives have a “live and let live” attitude, and don’t judge others except in matters of knowledge and competence. Ones judgments cover the entire range of human activity, and are governed by their internal standards of right and wrong.

Ones and Sixes

Why they might be confused: While Sixes may rarely mistake themselves for Ones or Ones misidentify themselves as Sixes, other people may be confused by some superficial similarities between them. (And, in fact, a Six with a Five-wing will more likely be confused with a One than a Six with a Seven-wing because of the seriousness and intensity that the Five-wing brings to the Six’s overall personality.)

What is alike: Both can be watchful, anxious and worried, and intent on figuring things out. Ones have an “Inner Critic” in their heads, while Sixes have an “Inner Committee.” What these two types have in common is the tendency to feel guilty when they do something contrary either to their ideals (Ones) or to the commitments to allies, beliefs, and authorities they have made (Sixes). Guilt feelings owing to strong consciences and the tendency to strike out either at themselves or at others (or both) are the main points of similarity between them.

What is different: While both are watchful and aware, they do so for different reasons. Sixes are worriers, always trying to figure out what could go wrong, what the worst-case scenario might be, and how to gain a sense of safety. Ones are trying to figure out how to prevent mistakes, how to correct what is wrong, and how to avoid criticism from others. Sixes are indecisive, always doubting and questioning. Ones are emphatically not indecisive: they know their own minds and have opinions about everything, which they are more than willing to express to others. Ones are certain, and trying to convince others that they know the optimal way to do things. Sixes are uncertain, and rely on reassurance, back-up, familiar procedure, or the sanction of previously tested ideas and philosophies to help them come to decisions.

One and Sevens

Why they might be confused: Ones are unlikely to mistype themselves as Sevens, but Sevens occasionally mistype themselves as Ones. Sevens who have been under stress for prolonged periods of time may notice many average One behaviors, such as perfectionism and a need for order, and conclude that they must be Ones. Sevens may also think they are Ones because they see themselves as “perfectionists,” but their style of perfectionism is very different. Ones’ perfectionism drives them to berate themselves for days because they misplaced a comma in an otherwise excellent one hundred-page report. Sevens’ “perfectionism” may lead them to become frustrated because the sea food salad they ordered in a restaurant was not exactly the way they wanted it.

What is alike: Both are idealist who want a better world,  who show helpfulness and value self-reliance. Both types have a sense of “mission”, they hold high ideals about the world and human beings in general.

What is different: Ones do not seek pleasure, while Sevens do. Ones are serious and self-restrained, Sevens are fun-loving and unrestrained. Sevens are spontaneous and adventurous–they like to be free to change plans and to follow their inspiration. Ones get frustrated when plans are changed, and usually do not like to deviate from the careful preparations they have made. Sevens are usually unselfconscious socially, Ones are usually very self-conscious socially. Ones are methodical and sticklers for time-management and for following efficient procedures. Sevens have a more fluid sense of time, and balk at being “bogged down” by procedures. Sevens are curious and open-minded, but tend to get distracted and scattered. Ones are more focused and directed, but can be opinionated and closed-minded.

Ones and Eights

Why they might be confused: Ones may misidentify themselves as Eights since they would like to have the authority and influence of Eights. They may also recognize that they have aggressive impulses and misidentify themselves as an “aggressive type,” although they are really compliant to their ideals; the Eight is the true aggressive type. On the other hand, Eights almost never misidentify themselves as Ones, although other people sometimes misidentify Eights as Ones because they see them as reformers.

What is alike: Both have strong wills and strong sense of justice and fairness. Both are action-oriented, and both have strong notions about how to do things.

What is different: Ones hold justice as an extremely important value–many judges, attorneys, advocates, and criminal prosecutors actually are Ones. Ones think a great deal about issues of providing suitable standards for people and about the specifics of how to administer a fair system. Eights, generally speaking, do not walk around thinking about these matters, but if they saw a helpless person being harmed or bullied by others, without thinking about it, Eights would rush in to “level the playing field.” For Eights, justice has little to do with abstract principles. Eights see themselves as protectors of others, and when they are healthy, they actually are. This is quite different from the One who seeks to make sure that people are appropriately rewarded for good actions and punished for bad ones.

Ones and Nines

Why they might be confused: Usually this mistype is caused by confusion about the wing and dominant type: is the person a Nine with a One-wing or a One with a Nine-wing? In some cases, with a strong wing, this can be a difficult call.

What is alike: Both can be idealistic, philosophical, and somewhat withdrawn. Neither feels comfortable with their anger. Both suppress or forget their own needs or desires. They value steadiness, organization and routine, and they work hard for others to promote harmony.

What is different: Ones hold onto their opinions or standards wanting others to change, while Nines readily adapt and accommodate others’ positions, often losing sight of their own. Nines want to maintain peace in their lives, and while they may hold strong personal convictions, they generally do not want to argue about them with people–especially people they’re close to. For Ones, however, the principle is most important, and Ones will drive home their point to convert the other to their view, even if it risks creating upsets and arguments. While Nines can be hard workers, it does not take much to convince them that a break would be useful. They enjoy down time, and tend to have difficulty shifting gears from relaxation to activity or vice versa. Ones are extremely driven and have difficulty tearing themselves away from their various projects to take a rest or relax. They feel anxious when they are not being productive (like Threes), and want to get back to work.

 Next up- Twos!